Tales of Scorched Ears

As I've previously stated many a time, the Smashing Pumpkins are a big-time favorite here at the Squidlair. I was substantially disenchanted with the Zeitgeist record and felt no need to see them live; it wouldn't be the same, after all, and most of my favorite non-single tunes would be ignored.

For the most part, this was true...but then Billy announced the 20th Anniversary Tour and the inclusion of older songs and I was fucking pumped. So much so that I paid around seventy bucks to see them play DAR Constitution Hall in DC for the first of their two nights there. I'd heard rumors of a sketchy setlist, but crossed my fingers anyways...to no end. Read on.

DAR was a beautfiul venue. Nice and rustic on the outside, elegant and technologically up-to-date on the inside.

The Pumpkins took the stage with Billy coming on last, wearing a lengthy skirt (not so odd) and a shiny gold sungoddess headpiece and chestplate. They sang some bullshit song, then went into "Tarantula," which actually came off okay live. Up next was "G.L.O.W.," a ditty penned for Guitar Hero III. It was so unremarkable I don't even remember it.

But then-- then they broke out "Siva" and I was momentarily appeased. One of my favorite guitar solos ever. Ripped. Back to crapsville from there with "Eye" from the Lost Highway OST.

And then, everything changed. I heard the live keyboardist playing a familiar melody and realized that Billy, Jimmy and the expendables they roll with were busting out "Mayonaise" and I couldn't believe it. Blew me away. I almost teared up.

The highlights end there, readers. Let's fasttrack this bullshit: an acoustic set in which the band convened on the front of the stage with a small piano, acoustic guitars and a streamlined drum kit for a mere three songs; obscure covers; a rushed-to-hell "Today" and "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" puncuated by the "The Beginning is the End is the Beginning, " which I hate so much I mixed up the "beginning"s and "end"s in the title while typing; an initial closing jam of Pink Floyd's "Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun" which, while a good tune, is not what you want to hear on an anniversary tour (especially when it spans 15 minutes); and finally, an encore of "We Only Come Out at Night"...on kazoos. The final final song was Jimmy and Billy mugging to the audience and mocking anyone's sellout suppositions by mentioning their practicing 48 different songs for two nights worth of music, instead of all "hits."

Oh, hey guys? 48 songs doesn't mean shit if most of it is rushed "greatest hits," anything from Adore or the aforementioned soundtracks, or just general subpar songs. Whether you sold out or not is irrelevant when you're fucking stuck up. Thanks for "Mayonaise," though.